Magazine Posts

When I was young.
Young like a child,
I would go every where,
for I was quite wild.
There was no curfew,
at least not to me,
for when it became dark,
I knew where to be.
Home with my loved ones,
similar to right now.
Safe and protected
and still knowing how,
to take care of you.
So much like a child,
but you're no longer allowed
to run free and be wild.

Remembering back, in my early days of travelling, from state to state, to gauge the operational functions. Early days, where there was some travel with an expense account and a company car.
Working for a large corporation. Those days, long gone. The company no longer here.
I was the District Manager, for the Catalog Sales Division of Sears Roebuck. My area was the State of Oregon.
We lived, my wife and two children and I, in Vancouver WA. I had two stores in the immediate area. Hazel Dell and Camas. I also had stores in Oregon at St Helens, Astoria, Tillamook, Newport, North Bend, Coos Bay, Brookings, Grants Pass, Roseburg, Corvallis, Gresham, Hillsboro, The Dalles, Bend, Madras, Prineville, Hermiston, Pendleton, Ontario and Baker.
Every Monday, I would call the stores to receive sales information, sales per hour, returns and to discuss advertising or other operational issues.
Monday night or Tuesday morning. I would load my suitcase into the car and head out to one of my locations, depending on specific issues or concerns.
Our primary role in the Catalog Sales Offices, (CSO) was to sell appliances, tires batteries from our store inventory and order, soft line, aka, clothing, bedding, et al. We had commissioned sales staff who would sell cabinets, carpet, fencing and other "Big ticket" items. The function of Installed Home Improvement, or IHI that was for installation by our contractors. Our in house joke was IHI, "It's Here, Incomplete."
There were some great days with my Managers.
My goal was to make them an independent operation and to call me only if there was an issue to discuss. I would explain to them, "No Surprises." Tell me before the news hit the Regional Office. I would receive calls from my boss, on occasion, if I had approved advertising, over budget at a specific office. My mode was if I received a call from my boss was to acknowledge that I had approved and then call the offending Manager and discuss how the "No Surprises" was supposed to work.
I had great Managers, who did, for the most part, operate as Independents. I miss those days and the friendships I had made. Working at Sears was a great experience and prepared me for many jobs opportunities.

I hate this life, as I have
started to succumb
towards a callous behavior'
with little aplomb.
I am not kind. I am just
a big jerk,
for I'm so tired my responsibility
I may shirk.
What good reason, is there for me
being casual with thee.
You don't deserve this life
we have shared.
I need to treat you softer
and be prepared.

Where are you now, my lovely bride?
It's 6 P.M. you were by my side.
Wandering the room, asking me why
or what's this object, catching your eye.
Asking the same questions, over again.
How many times? Lost track at ten.
Telling you the answer, one more time.
Nothing I say, "sticks". It isn't fine.
No matter what I am trying to do,
this conversation is usually just you.
Asking me more questions, once again,
what is the name of our friend?

Having a hard time, as I've said.
Hearing the lyrics and music in my head.
This has been going on for several days.
"Starry, starry nights," a song of life.
The tumultuous life of Vincent Van Gogh,
written and performed by Don McLean.
So many painting failures, in his early life.
A life of challenges and of strife;
Time spent in a mental institution,
when his life had too much confusion.
Starry, starry nights, he painted when he
wrestled with trying to control his sanity.
Perhaps it is now, my future destiny.

I love you my darling.
I most certainly do.
I am saddened seeing what
Dementia has done to you.

A pain, within, has come to rest
it lies unto my left chest.
When walking on ice, be careful
for the results of falling, are painful.
I learned an new dance step
a week ago. The Costco trip;
reminded me of a two step fall.
A slight shuffle, one step is all,
it took for me, is what I said
at least I didn't hit my head.
My ribs are sore. Oh yes they are.
A painful sleep my rest did mar.
A rib belt is the treatment, you see
for which the doctor did agree.

It has been said by others, who repent.
When you want to lose your memory
and desire to forget, your past life
of errors and other life amends;
when the reality of this life demands
your attention to others; yours to do,
for my responsibility; taking care of you.

Woke up sleepy,
my mind in a haze
for I have only slept
a few hours,
usually during the days.

The journey we make
during this life,
can be short.
Do we continue on
or do we abort?

I seem to be having a terrible time,
as Depression creeps in
by using a tired rhyme.
My life before was uneventful
with out the presence of being sublime.
I'll pray again, as I need to do
for the choices I make will be mine.

Is it wrong to write
about a love for another?
Someone who is not your,
sister, brother or mother?
Perhaps, I ask because the
loneliness began,
not having an adult conversation,
since I know not when.