Magazine Posts

Owl not tell you,
this tale of mine,
unless you ply me
with some red wine.

Love me tomorrow,
Love me today,
Love is the message,
Love's what I say.

So you don’t like your job, probably hate your boss, think you should be paid more for all the hard work and overtime you put in, maybe your co-workers look like mindless drones these days and retirement seems a lifetime away (it is!) … but quitting isn’t an option, not when you would lose your health care and your apartment, the apartment that already costs more than you can believe.  What’s a person to do?

Well, apparently, quit in place.  Stop killing yourself.  Stop sucking up to your boss.  Refuse to take overtime.  Slow down, relax, daydream a bit, take a long lunch break, sneak a joint in the john.  It’s a brand new workplace.  The go-go years have gone gone gone, good riddance.  The company treats you like a robot, act like one.  One pace, steady and slow as she goes. Do as little as possible, same as they would do for you.  They’re no longer loyal to you employees, why be loyal to them?  This is the New Work Ethic.  Congratulations and welcome to your new cubicle.

Personally, I always believed in Quitting.  Seemed like a good strategy.  Course, apartments didn’t cost an arm and a leg back then and health insurance wasn’t in the cards.  Pensions, 401-K’s, fergettaboutit.  I was part of the gig economy decades before it had a name and by the time it did, I was self-exiled to the South End where employment was marginal to non-existent.  So I did what the rest of us layabouts did down here, worked for myself.  Sure, the boss was a jerk, but that’s the joy of self-employment, you can look him in the eye and tell him to go to hell.  Won’t affect your wages one iota.  And end of the day you can have a beer or two together, gripe about the same issues, maybe decide neither of you will work the next day.

I recommend it.  But quitting in place.  I dunno.  Seems like the days would just be interminable, slowing down, dragging feet, avoiding work.  You like that kind of job, maybe be a traffic sign holder, SLOW, STOP, for a construction company.  Hours like years, days like a lifetime.  Personally I like to work if I’m going to work, put a back into it, feel like it was worth the effort.  Time flies even when it’s not much fun.  But … don’t say you heard it from me.  And whatever you do, don’t tell my boss.

The Skeeter Daddle Diaries

Ever since I was young, competing to earn a spot on my high school’s freshman track team, I have regularly exercised. So much so that when I was 35, I even competed in the New York City Marathon. I say I “competed” because that sounds much more impressive than “I jogged and walked” and gives the impression I might have stood a chance of winning. Alas, I came in 5,217th – barely overtaken by the other 5,216 runners ahead of me..... Read more

I'm on a roll,
it's what I feel now,
if I could make money writing
this would be a "Cash Cow."

Long were the curls,
on the nape
of the neck.
Brown, the color
with golden fleck.
Wind swept back,
as she ran by.
It was then
I caught her eye.
Where goes thou,
oh, beautiful one?
May I tag along,
as our day is done?
"Leave me alone,
old man, please
let me be."
'I'll do what I can,
it won't be with thee."

I had completed what I hoped was my final draft of my newest humor book, The Secret to Success and Happiness,  I was using Amazon’s publishing division called Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP). I had compiled a list of questions to which I needed answers in order to fix several book formatting issues their online system had flagged. I decided I needed to call their tech support team for help..... Read more

Everything is good,
everything is swell,
until I had fallen
into Facebook hell.
You are banned now,
we won't explain why
and won't tell you how
you got into this mess.
All we will say is,
you now must confess.
Tell us why
you broke the rule
and we will let you
access with limited tools.

Long is her neck,
large are her eyes.
Brown is her hair,
strong were her thighs.
A quaint place to live.
She loves it too.
Her favorite place,
The Woodland Park Zoo.
A Giraffe, so tall
and so cool, like you.

“I’ve been a humor writer for 13 years – a source of unceasing embarrassment for my wife and daughters. Over the years, I’ve routinely received suggestions for what readers think would be a funny article for me to write about in my column. I’m grateful to the scores of people who have unselfishly submitted their ideas. I distinctly remember this one time when the suggestion was almost usable”.... Continue reading

When night arrived,
the Sun slid
into the sea.
I was looking
for you, as
you looked for me.
It was then
I noticed you,
all decked out,
with a new Beau.

Across the grass,
laden with dew,
I made the trek,
with socks, no shoe.
My feet, now wet,
made me pause,
trying to forget,
no reason, just because,
my socks were wet.