Magazine Posts

Swarming clouds of memories,
passing through my mind.
Why do these thoughts
persist in this time?

Words confused or incomplete,
as they often do,
when I think about our life,
and my thoughts are about you.

I went to visit my wife yesterday afternoon.
She was not in the dining room, and most of
the residents had almost finished eating.

She wasn't enraptured to see me. No smile,
just a dull look in her eyes. I suspect she had
just woken and was still sleepy.

I was irritated as the custom had been to
wake those sleeping, around 3 or 4 so they
would be ready for dinner a little after 5.
It wasn't the case yesterday. This raised a
question about is this a normal treatment
or just an aberration?

I understand the demands placed upon the
Care Givers here. There are some residents,
are vocal, some very vocal, so they get attention.
My wife however, seldom speaks and doesn't
attract the attention that others may.

I like the staff who work with my wife but
this situation upsets me, if it is routine.
Looks like another meeting with management
is in order.

Day has ended.
My thoughts escape,
to the corners
of my mind.

To hide away
from the troubles,
unwanted now,
every day.

Why? There is no escape,
just a wasted journey,
into the dark corners
of wonder and mystery.

Yet, I delay,
receiving no comfort
from retreating
to the long shadows.

I thought I knew,
what life was about.
We leave here at a whisper,
not a shout.

All we were,
will never be,
only a part
of a memory.

I visited my wife,
yesterday afternoon.
She was in bed,
asleep.

It's confusing.
I'm saddened,
to see her like this.
A picture of what's to come.

Alone,
she sits.
No one at the table.
How must this feel?

She doesn't know
or understand
and yet, when
I go to leave,

I see sadness,
but the words
won't come
to her.

Does she understand,
but can't explain?
I don't know,
but what if

she does know?
Is that
a tenable issue?

Upward, the wind burst,
into the sky.
Upward the kite flew,
on winds up high.

What sayeth you
to the one in charge?
asking questions from above,
either small or large.

Do you think I'm a fool,
without a clue?
What do you say?
What about you.

I reach out.
Reaching in vain.
Calling to her,
Calling her name.

I awake startled,
she isn't in bed,
it's then I realize,
it was all in my head.

Sleeping together,
after 66 years,
is no longer possible.
I've realized my fears.

My inner peace,
is struggling once more.
Trying to reject depression,
as I get up from the floor.

There's nothing here,
I don't wish to keep score
about people's issues as
I don't relate anymore.

Do you still love me,
knowing not my name?
Has the Dementia,
ruined our life's game?

Words still tumble,
out of my head.
They always will,
until I'm brain dead.

I write quite a bit
about the words in my head,
debating if they are OK.
and open to be read.

I am no longer reluctant.
to share words with Yee,
and look forward to comments,
from all of thee.

My feelings are now,
tough to the core.
Negative comments?
I want to hear more.