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Here I Am

Posted by MFish Profile 07/01/23 at 11:26PM Life Stories - Memories See more by MFish

Here I am as I am going through the worst time of my life.
I struggle daily to stay positive but realize, no matter what I
do, it will not change the outcome.

We are all destined to face the harsh reality, sometime in the
future. No one knows when or how. The time will still come,
ready or not.

My wife was diagnosed in January 2017, although symptoms appeared
in late 2014, with Advanced Vascular Dementia-Alzheimer Disease.
The change was gradual until the time I could no longer handle the
extra burden of incontinence, doing all aspects of housekeeping and yard
maintenance.

We, my two sons and I admitted her to a Memory Care Facility, January 3,
2022. I moved in with her in May of the same year and stayed there for
6 months until such time when I was getting little sleep because her nocturnal
behavior, from the disease.

I try to visit her every day but do take a few days off to retain my sanity.
I sadly have observed a downward spiral of this nasty disease as it ravishes
my beloved. My wife would call me "My husband". She didn't know my name
but would tell me she loved me.

Today, she no longer greeted me, or told me she loved me and was for the
most part, silent. There is no concept of time. She doesn't know if I've been
gone a minute, a day, a week, or a month. She is no longer the person I married,
in spirit but she is physically, what I see in her beautiful smile, her brown eyes
and know in my heart she loves me.

I apologize for this baring of my soul to all of you.
I just wanted you to understand when I write some
words that appear strange, it is just my screwed
up emotions at play. Hiding from the reality of life
and the upcoming end of days has been trying.
Thank you for all the gifts you have given me over
these years. Love to all who are facing life challenges.

NASA Astronomy Picture of the Day:

On the Mars rover's mission Sol 46 or Earth date April 6, 2021, Perseverance held out a robotic arm to take its first selfie on Mars. The WATSON camera at the end of the arm was designed to take close-ups of Martian rocks and surface details though, and not a quick snap shot of friends and smiling faces. In the end, teamwork and weeks of planning on Mars time was required to program a complex series of exposures and camera motions to include Perseverance and its surroundings. The resulting 62 frames were composed into a detailed mosaic, one of the most complicated Mars rover selfies ever taken. In this version of the selfie, the rover's Mastcam-Z and SuperCam instruments are looking toward WATSON and the end of the rover's outstretched arm. About 4 meters (13 feet) from Perseverance is a robotic companion, the Mars Ingenuity helicopter. Perseverance has now spent over 1,500 sols exploring the surface of the Red Planet. On Earth date January 18, 2024, Ingenuity made its 72nd and final flight through the thin Martian atmosphere.

Mauritius kestrel (Falco punctatus), Ebony Forest Reserve Chamarel, Mauritius. In 1974, this Mauritius endemic was the rarest bird in the World. Due to ground-breaking conservation work the population rose to 800, but has now slumped to possibly 400 birds. In 2023, the Government of Mauritius declared the Mauritius Kestrel as its national bird.

Charles J. Sharp, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons. View source.

NASA Astronomy Picture of the Day:

The bright clusters and nebulae of planet Earth's night sky are often given the names of flowers or insects, and its whopping 3 light-year wingspan, NGC 6302 is no exception. With an estimated surface temperature of about 250,000 degrees C, the central star of the planetary nebula is transforming into a white dwarf star, becoming exceptionally hot, and shining brightly in ultraviolet light. The central star is hidden from direct view by a torus of dust, but its energetic ultraviolet light ionizes atoms in the nebula. In this sharp, telescopic view composed with narrowband image data, the ionized hydrogen and doubly ionized oxygen atoms are shown in their characteristic red and blue-green hues to reveal a stunning complex of knots and filaments within the nebula's wing-like bipolar outflows. NGC 6302 lies about 4,000 light-years away in the arachnologically correct constellation of the Scorpion (Scorpius).

Photo by Mike Selby

NASA Astronomy Picture of the Day:

Savudrija lighthouse shines along the coast near the northern end of the Istrian peninsula in this well-composed night skyscape. A navigational aid for sailors on the Adriatic Sea, the historic lighthouse was constructed in the early 19th century. But an even older aid to navigation shines in the sky above, Polaris, alpha star of the constellation Ursa Minor and also known as the North Star. In this scene Polaris forms the shortest bright arc near the North Celestial Pole, the extension of Earth's axis of rotation into space. Of course, the North Celestial Pole lies exactly at the center of all the concentric startrails. The composite image is a digital stack of 400 exposures, each 30 seconds long, taken with camera and tripod fixed to a rotating planet.

Photo by Branko Nadj

Ceiling of the Oratory of Saint Mary Queen and Mother, Málaga, Spain. The church was constructed in 2008 and is host of the Confraternity of the Sorrows. The paintings in the ceiling, done with acrylic paint, are work of Raúl Berzosa Fernández and were executed in different phases between 2008 and 2014. The 140 square metres (1,500 sq ft) surface is dedicated to the Coronation of the Virgin.

Diego Delso, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons. View source.

“There are three ways of arriving at an opinion on any subject. The first is to believe what one is told; the second is to disbelieve it; and the third is to examine the matter for oneself. The overwhelming majority of mankind practice the first method; of the remainder, the overwhelming majority practice the second; only an infinitesimal remnant practice the third.”

Source:  Bertrand Russell, Mortals and Others, Bertrand Russell’s American Essays 1931–1935, Vol. II, Essay. 37: What to Believe, p. 454 (24 August 1931)


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