Contributor Posts

Ever since I was young, competing to earn a spot on my high school’s freshman track team, I have regularly exercised. So much so that when I was 35, I even competed in the New York City Marathon. I say I “competed” because that sounds much more impressive than “I jogged and walked” and gives the impression I might have stood a chance of winning. Alas, I came in 5,217th – barely overtaken by the other 5,216 runners ahead of me..... Read more

I'm on a roll,
it's what I feel now,
if I could make money writing
this would be a "Cash Cow."

Long were the curls,
on the nape
of the neck.
Brown, the color
with golden fleck.
Wind swept back,
as she ran by.
It was then
I caught her eye.
Where goes thou,
oh, beautiful one?
May I tag along,
as our day is done?
"Leave me alone,
old man, please
let me be."
'I'll do what I can,
it won't be with thee."

I had completed what I hoped was my final draft of my newest humor book, The Secret to Success and Happiness,  I was using Amazon’s publishing division called Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP). I had compiled a list of questions to which I needed answers in order to fix several book formatting issues their online system had flagged. I decided I needed to call their tech support team for help..... Read more

Everything is good,
everything is swell,
until I had fallen
into Facebook hell.
You are banned now,
we won't explain why
and won't tell you how
you got into this mess.
All we will say is,
you now must confess.
Tell us why
you broke the rule
and we will let you
access with limited tools.

Long is her neck,
large are her eyes.
Brown is her hair,
strong were her thighs.
A quaint place to live.
She loves it too.
Her favorite place,
The Woodland Park Zoo.
A Giraffe, so tall
and so cool, like you.

“I’ve been a humor writer for 13 years – a source of unceasing embarrassment for my wife and daughters. Over the years, I’ve routinely received suggestions for what readers think would be a funny article for me to write about in my column. I’m grateful to the scores of people who have unselfishly submitted their ideas. I distinctly remember this one time when the suggestion was almost usable”.... Continue reading

When night arrived,
the Sun slid
into the sea.
I was looking
for you, as
you looked for me.
It was then
I noticed you,
all decked out,
with a new Beau.

Across the grass,
laden with dew,
I made the trek,
with socks, no shoe.
My feet, now wet,
made me pause,
trying to forget,
no reason, just because,
my socks were wet.

Sit tight, don't
blow the scene.
Know what I
mean, Jellybean?

"Techno Tom was morosely stirring half a pint of sugar into his coffee, no doubt figuring the sugar blast would quadruple the jolt from the Diner’s caffeine.  Freddie Fairlane, one table over with the other Flatheads, the vintage car guyz, watched for awhile then moseyed over to sit at Tom’s table.  “You seem a little down in the mouth, amigo,” he said.  “Lose your best friend?” .... Read more

Bit my thumb,
that was dumb,
infected now,
I'll soon succumb.