Magazine Posts

At the end of the day,
when all was lost,
we measured the damage
of what was the cost.

No loss of life, is good,
some revenue lost,
money doesn't count,
people matter most.

I tire of the madness,
of all the insanity,
surrounding my love,
a place I do not want to be.

A young boy,
riding his bike,
going like a
bat out of hell.

A right turn,
oops! There was a car.
A sharp jig to the right
put him into a hedge.

A small puncture in
the bicep of his left arm.
Remembering, it was bluish,
apparently, no harm.

Flash ahead, thirty years plus.\,
when the bluish tick,
began to ooze and
out came a little stick.

Thirty-three years ago,
in the month of May,
I ran in a marathon,
up Vancouver BC way.

Rent the void,
be what it may,
no longer the twain,
shall meet.

Gone are the happy days,
no longer the joy,
seeing a shell of
the woman I love.

I still love her,
I always will.
She is sweet,
saying she loves me.

Wants to be with me,
I will work harder
to spend quality time,
with her, my love.

I hate this life,
she now is in.
I no longer believe.
Not anymore.

My world, has flipped,
upside down, Topsy Turvey.
What was up, is down.
My life's habits, environment,
are no more.

Cripe, I am uncertain,
where the door
to one's life is.
What has happened?

Sitting at breakfast,
I'm overcome with
a sadness, I don't understand,
unable to comprehend,
do not like...

I feel unwell,
physically and mentally.
If I am about to
slip over the edge.
I feel lost, alone.
What is happening to me?

What is missing,
when I can say,
I miss you more,
every single day?

Silence is golden,
this I've heard,
but now your gone,
without a word.

Have I failed,
when I say,
I still miss you,
in my own way?

Take deep, slow breaths.
I feel as if my hands,
belong to someone else.
A strange sensation.

Pour my soul, on the ground,
where it will lay, useless,
until it's gone away.
What words do I write?

I'm feeling used, not sure why.
Useless is the word.
I cannot help my wife.
A powerless feeling of sadness,
overcome by anguish.
Why?

Please, no, "Trust in God"
comments. I am slowly losing
my belief in this approach.
Becoming embittered is like
dragging your blanket, for
something uncontrollable.

I still have positive thoughts,
loving life, talking with people.
The missing element, of course,
being unable to have a discussion
with my wife. I miss her.

I no longer care
about my ineffectual ability,
to accomplish anything.
I sit here, writing and ranting,
about my absurd behavior.
What is wrong with me?

I feel I can no longer,
can control my emotional
reactions to what life has
wrought to my wife and me.
Especially to her, a good soul.
A terrible situation is what I see.
My thoughts rattle through
this old, feeble brain.

A slow descent into madness.
On the road to a life of sadness.
What or why remains the question.
I ponder how our life has fallen
this far into a state of personal
oblivion.

Is this the punishment for some
indiscretion or just fate.
Can't be God's will, can it?
What just God would do this?

Friends for a long time, shun us.
Yet we have friends who still stay
in touch. Even family contact has
deteriorated to the point Ellie is
seldom talked to. There are polite
gestures, but no meaningful visits.
On the other side, one son is
devoted to seeing his mother,
at least once a week, with few exceptions.

What words, lay lodged
inside my mind?
Are they hurtful or
a little kind?

The depths of anger,
has come into view.
If you don't like me,
I won't be with you.

I hate this torment,
when it happens to me.
End it all, please,
set my life free.

Ease my mind,
making a viable choice,
as for a new life,
I will raise my voice.

I feel exhausted,
at 2 AM.
My hands have cramped.
Is this the end,

of the aimless thoughts,
which fill the air?
A short manifest
of a life's despair.