Magazine Posts

I visited my wife again today.
The Care Givers, had taken her
to her room and placed her in bed.

There was no recognition of me.
No beautiful smile. Just a simple,
"Who are you?"
I sat and held her hand.

My eyes tend to seep tears when
I sit with her. I think how close
we are both on the final journey.
I am saddened for her and I.

The hard reality
of life and death,
hit me between the eyes
when I saw my wife,
laying on a hospital bed.

The tear ducts needed a
good cleaning. They came
through for me, today.

I can feel depressions,
creeping in,
an overpowering sense
of sorrow as I faced
the finality of life.

I have been avoiding,
going to the room as
I was fearful of dealing
with the true reality.

I can't say I am better
but do feel I have closed
the gap between my
expectations and reality.

I'm lonely. It's 3:30 AM,
and thinking of you.
Moisture in my eyes,
while thoughts from
my Childhood, echo,
"Big boys don't cry".

Why can't I cry or
get angry? Why must
I try to be strong.
You can no longer
see my sorrow,
nor can I tell you,
right at this moment,
how much I miss you.

Where my heart goes,
my soul will follow,
be there obstacles,
deep or shallow.

My love grows within,
like water I swallow,
and with the land,
so rich and fallow.

I would do tomorrow,
what I did today,
no longer with the sorrow,
only here to say,
I love you.

Please don't leave me,
when I need your warm hugs
and sweet kisses.
I am lonely for those
sweet smiles and hellos.
How must I go on,
without you?

Please return my wife to me
for I am lost and cannot see.
It's hard to be in bed, alone.
Oh God, I wish I were home.

I touch the brakes gently,
instead of the gas,
slowing at the intersection,
so, I could pull out and pass.

On a Sunday morning,
it was cold and clear.
Watching for hazards,
and watching for deer.

There were tractors, wagons
to just name a few,
which were slower than stop,
as they sometimes would do.

When I get in trouble
and have no place to go,
I would go to a movie
or go to a show.

A double feature,
two in a row,
eating popcorn,
watching the show.

I loved the smell of popcorn,
and I still do,
but it always reminds me
of the lovely you.

No more the movies,
no more the show,
for now, I have no one,
when I go to the show.

Of brambles with branches,
silver flowers gleaming.
Bark covered by lichens,
as moonlight was streaming.

Long were the days,
short were the nights,
under the moon
and star lights.

Why do I write,
when I cannot see,
the love I'm missing,
the love from thee?

Show me the way to
get back home again.
My heart is lost in Memory Care.
I don't know if I'm in despair.

I pray I can return,
once more,
for I miss the woman'
on the first floor.

She went into Hospice
about a week ago.
I don't want to lose her
or let her go.

She doesn't know me. Saying
it over and over, again
but she is still my lover
and my best friend.

Please tell me now,
what did I do wrong?
Where does it say,
I must always be strong?