Magazine Posts

I sit here
alone, without you,
in our home
of many years.
You have gone
to a memory care
facility, to be
attended to.
I have visited
every day,
except the lockdown,
when the facility
was closed, due to
a Covid, positive result.
Every day,
when I see you,
I'm asked, "are you my husband?"
and you say, "I haven't seen you
in a long time."
Yet, you cried when I
told you Good Night,
when I left,
at 9 PM.
My emotions are raw.
My guilt, I feel,
as this part of life
is torture and pain,
no matter how I
try to rationalize.
Forgive me please.

When I reflect upon my life,
there are no regrets,
except for one.
What can I learn
from my history, past,
of the lost memories,
of my first love?
Life is over,
in one blink of the eye
and all you knew
of loving thoughts made
are gone, now missing
and will not return.

Where has love gone?
It has moved away,
as friends we love,
leave our lives today.
Mourn we must
and when we pray,
it's for the friends
and those who stay.

Do you remember the day
when we first met?
It was a cold, Tuesday,
in February, I think.
We were at a small bar,
having a drink.
You were alone,
I was too,
when I asked you to dance,
to a slow tune being played.
We discussed our old life,
back in the day.
We found we're interested,
in many similar things
and talked of the joy
those activities would bring.
What happened to you?
Where did you go?
I miss our discussions,
from so long ago.

A life is lost.
No longer here,
to share the time
or breathe the air.
To tell the stories
of life before.
Gone from here,
and gone away.
The laughter gone,
no tears of joy,
a veil of sadness,
soon overcomes,
as friends come by,
one after one.

The liquidity of life
is fraught with concern,
as we ask the question,
Will we ever learn?

Come back to me Ellie,
please come back to me.
I need to see the love in your eyes,
when you are looking at me.

As I walk in the yard,
of this place we dwell,
what was once a great space,
now reminds me of Hell.
The love which was there
has now gone away
and will not return.
Please hear what I say.

Do you remember
your first encounter
with an older adult?
I do. I was young,
still in my teens.
My mother took me to lunch
at Clark's Copper Kettle,
located in West Lake,
near the Ben Paris Emporium.
The waitress, lovely she was,
captivated my young heart.
I was smitten. In love,
for the very first time
or it was, what I thought
love was about.

I do not enjoy life,
not one little bit,
for I miss my wife,
I do this admit.
She is the best thing
in this sad life
and will always be
the one. My wife.

Every time, these past few nights,
as I help her get ready for bed,
before I turn out the light,
my eyes seep the sad tears,
realizing my love will
no longer be living with me.
How many years have gone by,
when I would see your face,
kiss you good night and say,
I love you and you would
say I love you too?
Those words now gone away.

Here we go, once more,
into the breech
about the topics
no one will teach.
About life's challenges,
amidst heart ache galore,
with all of our feelings,
downtrodden on the floor.
Get it together, please understand,
your feeling of weakness,
makes not a lesser man.
There still will be tomorrow
of this I am sure,
so please manage your emotions,
if you wish to endure.