God May
• 08/01/23 at 11:11PM •God may move,
in mysterious ways,
but in my life,
It's the end of days.
Retired for many years and now re-discovering some writings, from long ago, along with new endeavor to help save my soul.
God may move,
in mysterious ways,
but in my life,
It's the end of days.
For naught of love a voice was lost.
For naught of prayer there was a cost.
What will thy do if all fails,
will you live your life in jails?
The days were sad,
the nights forlorn.
My love is strong,
my heart is shorn.
So many days,
so many nights.
Days are busy,
lonely the nights.
When I get older
and I am King,
I will dress up,
wearing lots of Bling.
Living on the edge of the World,
a much smaller place today,
as she suffers with an unbearable disease.
What cost for she and they?
I am at a loss.
A loss for words.
Yesterday was a good day.
We talked. Best time,
Enjoyable conversation, yet,
a faraway look, in her eyes.
Destroys me. I keep my
emotions in check,
when I want to cry, like now,
hours after I left her.
Went to bed at 10:30, and
awoke at 01:30. It is now
03:00 a.m.
How stupid am I?
It is so difficult for me.
Going to make the
decision for Hospice Care,
with the Drs. permission.
Hospice in my mind, is
the last step. A peaceful exit
from the suffering of my beloved.
God, I hate this.
A muse about waiting to order breakfast when the cloak of
invisibility covers you.
I see you walk by
as you're going away.
Is this another time
when I turn invisible?
I left after waiting 20 minutes,
of being ignored, even when
the wait person was 5 feet away.
No greeting or acknowledgement
that I was present.
My mind is a wasteland,
an empty place,
full of old ideas,
out in space.
Thoughts, bounce around,
without a direction,
turned back by being,
forced into rejection.
Why do I exist?
To serve another,
a woman I have loved,
as my wife and kids Mother.
A few days ago, I spent the afternoon
with my beloved.
My eyes were moist,
my hankie, damp,
from tears, leaking from my eyes,
as I saw my beloved,
in an almost Catatonic state.
Here I sit, awaiting,
alongside of you.
You say, "I don't know you,"
though you make eye contact.
My mind has grown cloudy,
strange thoughts in play.
Another favorite
is going away.
I'll miss you,
your perky smile,
with quick wit,
it's your style.