Posted by MFish

Here I am as I am going through the worst time of my life.
I struggle daily to stay positive but realize, no matter what I
do, it will not change the outcome.

We are all destined to face the harsh reality, sometime in the
future. No one knows when or how. The time will still come,
ready or not.

My wife was diagnosed in January 2017, although symptoms appeared
in late 2014, with Advanced Vascular Dementia-Alzheimer Disease.
The change was gradual until the time I could no longer handle the
extra burden of incontinence, doing all aspects of housekeeping and yard
maintenance.

We, my two sons and I admitted her to a Memory Care Facility, January 3,
2022. I moved in with her in May of the same year and stayed there for
6 months until such time when I was getting little sleep because her nocturnal
behavior, from the disease.

I try to visit her every day but do take a few days off to retain my sanity.
I sadly have observed a downward spiral of this nasty disease as it ravishes
my beloved. My wife would call me "My husband". She didn't know my name
but would tell me she loved me.

Today, she no longer greeted me, or told me she loved me and was for the
most part, silent. There is no concept of time. She doesn't know if I've been
gone a minute, a day, a week, or a month. She is no longer the person I married,
in spirit but she is physically, what I see in her beautiful smile, her brown eyes
and know in my heart she loves me.

I apologize for this baring of my soul to all of you.
I just wanted you to understand when I write some
words that appear strange, it is just my screwed
up emotions at play. Hiding from the reality of life
and the upcoming end of days has been trying.
Thank you for all the gifts you have given me over
these years. Love to all who are facing life challenges.