Magazine Posts

Cat lovers do all sorts of crazy things for their cats. They talk to them, dress them up in costumes, install 7-foot-tall cat towers in the living room, even put them in a backpack and take them for a hike. Can you believe the things people will do for their furry companions.
I would never do anything so ridiculous as these with our three cats. No, instead, I do something much more mature. I make up silly songs and serenade them, like any normal adult. They must enjoy my songs because they never seem to complain. Read more

I’m not a violent man. But everyone has their breaking point. And I’ve reached mine. If you’re a homeowner, there are three certainties in life: your property taxes will go up, the roof will need to be replaced SOON, and with the first blossoms of Spring, moles will arrive in your yard.....Read more

(Sadly, the following story is completely true.) As I age, I routinely am reminded that my body – and my brain – are slowing declining. I will never again grace the cover of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive issue, and I’m pretty, were I to have my IQ re-evaluated, it would no longer be anywhere near 250........Read more

Recently, my wife and I joined two other couples for a two-week vacation to see all five of Utah’s national parks. Utahns like to refer to them as “The Mighty Five.” I prefer to call them “a complete waste of time.”
Oh sure, if hiking in stunning, majestic outdoor scenery among 2,000 foot cliffs created 65 million years ago, where once an inland sea covered everything, and climbing up to gaze out on stunning panoramas unlike anything you've ever seen in your life is your cup of tea, then, perhaps you might actually enjoy this experience.
But if you ask me, they don't live up to the hype. The Wi-Fi was non-existent, and good luck finding a Starbucks anywhere along the trail. Read my complete evaluation and decide for yourself.

"I live near Seattle and for the first time since 1924, Seattle has an NHL franchise. Now hockey is the sport everyone here is talking about. The team is called the Seattle Kraken.If you’re like most hockey fans, you probably have many questions" Read more

"… is something I know nothing about. Nevertheless, I can’t count the number of times people come up to me on the street, at the unemployment office or in the women’s locker room at my gym and ask me about my column. Why just last week, there must have been almost two people who approached me..... Continue reading

When I was in my forties, I routinely worked 55-hour weeks (commuting an hour each way), taxied my kids to soccer practices and dance recitals, mowed the yard, paid the bills, and worked out five nights a week (some things are sacred). I knew exactly where my day had to go, and I made sure it went there....Continue reading

I feel bad. Earlier today, I did something very hurtful – and to my own daughter, no less. I sent her a terribly insensitive text. What was the hostile, insulting thing I wrote? “Hope you’re doing well. Would love to see you sometime soon.” ......... Continue reading

As many of you know, I am a nationally sought-after marketer. It has come to my attention that President Trump’s campaign is struggling to come up with a new campaign slogan for his 2020 re-election bid. He can’t use Make America Great Again because, well, he's already accomplished that task bigly...........Continue Reading

Click the image below to read Tim Jone's article 

A wise man once said, If a man’s wealth be measured in grains of rice, he could hold all the riches of the world in his hands. Okay, so that man was an idiot. He was also my Uncle Larry, and he died penniless – unless you count the 850 boxes of Minute Rice found in his basement after his funeral................. Read the complete article at View from the Bleachers

Recently I ordered one of those cool robot vacuums called a Roomba. It’s pretty amazing. It will quietly clean an entire floor while only mildly terrorizing the cats. And when it’s all done, it returns to its charging station and goes to sleep.

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