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When Fate moves,
within your life,
taking with it,
the Soul of your wife.

Our luck was great,
for fifty plus years,
when Fate stepped in,
bringing so many tears.

It's been 5 months,
since she went away.
My heart still aches,
for her, every day.

Do I feel fortunate?
Why yes, I do,
but 10 years of misery,
for her was very new.

I've fond memories,
that is true,
but living without her,
just won't do.

I need to do
something good,
for me, so it
is understood.

Here I am again,
walking through,
the edge of sanity,
grief is hidden, too.

I am wrestling with
the sane part of my mind,
as I start the process of
untangling the pieces I find.

I thought I was past the process,
but realize while being supportive,
of others, I was not dealing with
my emotions, which I need to live.

Why? Geeze, I wish I knew.
The ups and downs every day,
have brought me fears of failure,
to care for my loved one. I will say,

I know that is not the truth,
but nevertheless, it is real,
in my present state of sanity.
This will be what I need to feel,

if I am to resolve these issues,
troubling as they are,
fixable, with therapy,
which I will try, near or far.

To love, with abandon,
those in your circle
of friends. Moments
pass too quickly. Then they're gone.

The grieving process for Dementia
and Alzheimer Disease, can stretch
out for years, thus the title of many,
The Long Goodbye.

Now over 10 years of a slow decline,
of a once beautiful, intelligent, person,
who, as some say, "I was lucky to have
her as long as I did. 66+ years.
But it still hurts!

Here I sit, in this morass,
of emotional baggage.
The twist and turns, in this
new life are overpowering me.

Forced into decisions, I don't want.
Playing with my head,
when what was real,
is now certainly dead.

I find myself withdrawing,
from a good life.
I still see family but find
the closeness, starting to wane.
He's the old guy, who is becoming
more work than I need.

I am still polite but do not,
have discussions with
people about changes to the way
I was. Color me pitiful and sad,
as I drag my blanket.

When life was casual,
with nothing else to do,
but move alone being
a friend to you.

I was reminded,
by a good friend,
to get out and about,
if I wanted my sadness to end.

Here is an observation of yesterday,
at the Crossroad Mall, in Bellevue.
I noticed several older men, flying solo,
with a faraway look in their eyes.

Alone? Lonely? Why? Looking for companionship,
may be the reason. Few of use want to be alone,
or not have someone to talk to.
I've noticed, for me that it's a bigger issue than
I had thought it was.

I made an escape from the Senior Living facility,
where I reside. I like it there but it's like family,
and the last place I want to be to seek companionship,
is there. Not because of the people but due to the
close proximity of a place, where this little privacy.
Everyone knows what everyone is doing. Not for me,
although I do have many friends there who I love
like siblings. Thank you for reading this short ditty
of life at a late age in life.


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