Public Posts Stanwood, WA Stanwood, WA (zoom)

Take deep, slow breaths.
I feel as if my hands,
belong to someone else.
A strange sensation.

Pour my soul, on the ground,
where it will lay, useless,
until it's gone away.
What words do I write?

I'm feeling used, not sure why.
Useless is the word.
I cannot help my wife.
A powerless feeling of sadness,
overcome by anguish.
Why?

Please, no, "Trust in God"
comments. I am slowly losing
my belief in this approach.
Becoming embittered is like
dragging your blanket, for
something uncontrollable.

I still have positive thoughts,
loving life, talking with people.
The missing element, of course,
being unable to have a discussion
with my wife. I miss her.

I no longer care
about my ineffectual ability,
to accomplish anything.
I sit here, writing and ranting,
about my absurd behavior.
What is wrong with me?

I feel I can no longer,
can control my emotional
reactions to what life has
wrought to my wife and me.
Especially to her, a good soul.
A terrible situation is what I see.
My thoughts rattle through
this old, feeble brain.

A slow descent into madness.
On the road to a life of sadness.
What or why remains the question.
I ponder how our life has fallen
this far into a state of personal
oblivion.

Is this the punishment for some
indiscretion or just fate.
Can't be God's will, can it?
What just God would do this?

Friends for a long time, shun us.
Yet we have friends who still stay
in touch. Even family contact has
deteriorated to the point Ellie is
seldom talked to. There are polite
gestures, but no meaningful visits.
On the other side, one son is
devoted to seeing his mother,
at least once a week, with few exceptions.

Many new residents,
many new faces,
from around the country,
close to their children.

How difficult it must be,
after years in your own home,
to pick up and move across
the country.

Old friends are gone,
new ones to make.
I see many lost souls,
wandering the facility.

Aging at its finest.
Turkey neck or wattle,
Chicken legs,
Pot belly (oink, oink)

Getting old
has wonderful benefits.
See above for just a few
of the specialties for us
so called elderly.

She tripped the light fantastic,
as she stumbled on the stair.
Watch your step, we said often.
She didn't hear. She didn't care.

Long, the years,
so far beyond,
when life started,
in a scummy pond.

Is this now,
what I see,
when studying
about Biology?

Were you then,
so, pleasure bent,
your skeleton,
had been wrent?

What ugly words,
I am writing now.
My mind says, when,
my hand says how.

Can these words,
simply be,
the final days
of our history?

A dog, a cat,
made a vow.
They would
always be,
friends for life.
A life of bliss,
a rub of nose,
never a kiss,
to seal the vow,
of love and trust.

What words, lay lodged
inside my mind?
Are they hurtful or
a little kind?

The depths of anger,
has come into view.
If you don't like me,
I won't be with you.

I hate this torment,
when it happens to me.
End it all, please,
set my life free.

Ease my mind,
making a viable choice,
as for a new life,
I will raise my voice.

The horse I rode,
was soaking wet.
I had travelled far,
a journey not yet,

finished. The end
was closing down,
while I was still
far from town.

Streets were filled,
with vehicles abound,
while I kept hearing,
this screaming sound.

Stay away, please don't.
Can't you understand,
my thoughts are crazed,
Truth must be my stand.

Go back, just return,
please, I beg thee.
Don't you stand,
this close to me.

Words fly, from my pen,
to this notebook, in which I write.
Words, so jumbled, crazy now,
as this writing is now a fight.

I am writing words,
senseless they are,
for how much longer,
how near, how far?

Must I go
before I sleep?
My thoughts, shallow,
have now gone deep.

Poetic license,
isn't that the thing,
when one can write,
while voices sing?

Sing the praises,
sing with glee,
sing with fear,
sing to be.

Someone new,
who you will trust,
for my love,
is turning to dust.

Yet, when I sit,
with little to do,
my thoughts turn
right back to you.